same stuff, only nuttier?

In trying to make sense of chaos, I'm trying to figure out if our move this year was a step forward - or a leap backwards.

There was as much "poop" at the inner city environment as there is here - it was just of a different variety. However, a few observations: A victory in the city was meaningful. It changed the way the student saw themselves within their own environment, maybe inspired them to try a little harder, to open their minds to the possibilities, gave them a little more of a sense of worth. A victory in the country town is a minor ripple in the pond - and fizzles out quickly. No one is inspired to try any harder, no one sees possibilities, no one will allow themselves any more self-worth than their raising allows.

In the inner city, students dropped out to get jobs because there were six brothers and sisters to feed, the parents were addicts, and the student was the only dependable one who would bring in a steady income - or because there were other very big distractions: babies, drugs, gangs.

In the country town, students drop out because hunting season is more important than an education - AND "my dad makes three times what you do as a truck driver - he never graduated - so why should I get a diploma?" The community seems to agree.

It's really difficult to cling on to the kids who are interested in college, or to find them at all. Wanting an education for yourself or your family carries quite a stigma in this little country town. Wanting to own your own business, to work for yourself, or to do anything that doesn't require mastering the images on the register and the phrase "do you want fries with that?" is an oddity.

It's not that I cling to the naive notion that all kids should go to college, or have any ambition or drive for their own future, or know what they want to do for themselves while still in high school. I didn't know, I was just as unsure as they are now...

But I knew I had options, and I could follow certain paths if I wanted to. I was able to go beyond my own physical and personal boundaries to find my own path. The mountain ridges that surround this place begin to feel like jagged prison walls that keep in those born here, and keep out anyone else. The opportunities and dreams dry up fast here, and the gene pool is becoming very shallow.

Some of the same leavings - only a nuttier variety.

A lesson backfire

As part of the CTE standards, career exploration and research is integral. I have touched upon it before - but without corresponding projects and an understanding of what a graphic designer or creative project traffic coordinator actually does, the information in research is lost upon the students. Besides, I am an advocate for the arts - and many of my students have never realized a real living can be made from the creative fields.

A visit to a California company's website (www.creativegroup.com) to research temp and freelance creative jobs sparked a lesson on digital portfolios, career opportunities, applications, resumes and CV's, etc. After a day of furious research on the part of the students, every period ended with a question posed to me. The question was the same in every circumstance:

"Mrs. B, why are you here?"

It was followed with "you can do all this stuff" or "you can make three times more money there" or even the stinging bite of "with all your experience and qualifications, it's stupid that you'd be a teacher."

ouch! from my own students! My feeble response is the standby: "who would you rather have as a teacher?"

Then the double-whammy came on: the bills, the cancelled holiday visit to friends, the reduction of the gifts budget, and the reminder that my net paycheck is exactly the same as when I was a part-time cocktail waitress. It's been decided in our household that I will be returning home and obtaining temp work over the summer. I can't afford not to.

Dawn left us behind

A teacher from our tiny school died over the Thanksgiving weekend. A woman of science, who clung to the obligations and responsibilities of educating her students to carry her through her husband's very recent suicide. We shared meals, and I cooked a few extra for her and for her son, who now is in the hands of a distant, greiving family. It seemed to help her through the shock, knowing that people care. I recognized that state of suspended animation in her: of having your entire life shattered, and being left to pick up all the shards, alone. She seemed to be healing, she was becoming optimistic, she wore makeup again. Recently it's been a new day, and there are holidays to celebrate in a new way, just the two of them.

After the van rolled off the cliff, 300 feet down the brittle rock, she stayed alive long enough to know her son was in good hands. Thank God for the man who found her son. The man knew he would be returned to Mexico, and still stayed with the boy. Thank God for the mother she was.

I miss my new friend. My arms already ache to hug and encourage her as she blossoms back into her self. I have so much sorrow for a good and kind woman who was heaped on with what was described as an un-godly amount of struggle and turmoil. I have hope for her son, and my heart is broken for him also. I surrender to knowledge that I will not ever understand why she has been taken from us now, ... and I will not ever understand why loss is so mundane and routine for this region.

God bless you Dawn. Thank you for the short visit.

it's been a while, so...

I almost forgot that I post here every so often. The idea struck me today that professional educators - teachers whom have been teaching for thier entire lives - may actually be people who are addicted to jumping through hoops.

I don't know that the current state of educational hoop-titude has been at this level ever in the history of public education. Is this a result of the NCLB and the current swing of the pendulum in the field of education? Aside from greater graduation rates, can some measurable amount of benefit - real, tangible benefit - arise from it all? Are teachers teaching thinking and creating?

The system of public education seems a bit fatigued: the students, the teachers, the admin., the parents, and all involved in the machinery that goes into this system of education and culturization. Maybe it's just October, and I have sunk into the October slump, as have my colleagues, and the parents, and the students... or maybe I just need a good nap.

pressures are lifting

The VW Bus is in the shop, engine excised and soon to be crated and shipped back to California. The irony is killing me. However, I'll be receiving a brand new long block engine, scrapping the EFI system, going to dual carbs, and ditching the CA Smog stuff. The fuel efficiency will increase, as will the horsepower. My new mechanic says I won't have to worry about the oil temps out here with the Long-block, but I'm considering purchasing and installing an oil temp sensor just as a precaution. I am committed to the 'forever car' notion.

Hubby has his new for him forever truck: a '72 International Harvester Scout II. He sure does love it.

A recent visait with old friends helped a bunch, We're also settling in with Doctor appointments, trips to 'nearby' arts communities, and readying for the Thanksgiving holiday. I hope to see some of my family, and go "back home" - I never thought I would say "go back home". Now I'm using the same transplant jargon that I've heard others use my entire life - living in the fertile ground where most transplants go to.

I did it myself

I finally cancelled the tech order, and connected 4 of my 9 printers, so that my students could use them. They're not networked, they're only available at a few computers, I have to be super-watchful of supplies so we don't run through our annual budget in a week, but they're up and running.

I know I irritated tech suport. I don't really mind, though - since they didn't do the job anyway. It was a compromise I had to make in order to continue with my lessons and teaching. Now, if we only had the photo paper and inks I ordered three weeks ago. We need them in 4 days.

I'm discovering the chasm between what was said of this school/district/area and the reality of them all. However, the inefficiency, the waste, the money problems, the disconnect between teaching/learning and the businees of school - these are present at all schools, I think. I am observing the impact everything has on a school so very small - and so much is put on to teachers' shoulders because there aren't other people to lean on for the little things.

My Freshmen are surprising me, positively. :-) They're coming in to their own and becoming involved with the school and their student council duties.

Homecoming was a little strange. The returning alumni from 1987 behaved just like most of the students I see - cliquish, not accepting of anything new or different, and just happy enough to plod along and exist. Normal, and boring.

I have begun a multi-cultural lesson to try and shake their little snow-globes up a bit. I'm receiving a lot of interest so far. We'll see how the bosses like the lesson plans. Maybe I'll be celebrating my career for Dia de los Muertos.