Dawn left us behind

A teacher from our tiny school died over the Thanksgiving weekend. A woman of science, who clung to the obligations and responsibilities of educating her students to carry her through her husband's very recent suicide. We shared meals, and I cooked a few extra for her and for her son, who now is in the hands of a distant, greiving family. It seemed to help her through the shock, knowing that people care. I recognized that state of suspended animation in her: of having your entire life shattered, and being left to pick up all the shards, alone. She seemed to be healing, she was becoming optimistic, she wore makeup again. Recently it's been a new day, and there are holidays to celebrate in a new way, just the two of them.

After the van rolled off the cliff, 300 feet down the brittle rock, she stayed alive long enough to know her son was in good hands. Thank God for the man who found her son. The man knew he would be returned to Mexico, and still stayed with the boy. Thank God for the mother she was.

I miss my new friend. My arms already ache to hug and encourage her as she blossoms back into her self. I have so much sorrow for a good and kind woman who was heaped on with what was described as an un-godly amount of struggle and turmoil. I have hope for her son, and my heart is broken for him also. I surrender to knowledge that I will not ever understand why she has been taken from us now, ... and I will not ever understand why loss is so mundane and routine for this region.

God bless you Dawn. Thank you for the short visit.

it's been a while, so...

I almost forgot that I post here every so often. The idea struck me today that professional educators - teachers whom have been teaching for thier entire lives - may actually be people who are addicted to jumping through hoops.

I don't know that the current state of educational hoop-titude has been at this level ever in the history of public education. Is this a result of the NCLB and the current swing of the pendulum in the field of education? Aside from greater graduation rates, can some measurable amount of benefit - real, tangible benefit - arise from it all? Are teachers teaching thinking and creating?

The system of public education seems a bit fatigued: the students, the teachers, the admin., the parents, and all involved in the machinery that goes into this system of education and culturization. Maybe it's just October, and I have sunk into the October slump, as have my colleagues, and the parents, and the students... or maybe I just need a good nap.

pressures are lifting

The VW Bus is in the shop, engine excised and soon to be crated and shipped back to California. The irony is killing me. However, I'll be receiving a brand new long block engine, scrapping the EFI system, going to dual carbs, and ditching the CA Smog stuff. The fuel efficiency will increase, as will the horsepower. My new mechanic says I won't have to worry about the oil temps out here with the Long-block, but I'm considering purchasing and installing an oil temp sensor just as a precaution. I am committed to the 'forever car' notion.

Hubby has his new for him forever truck: a '72 International Harvester Scout II. He sure does love it.

A recent visait with old friends helped a bunch, We're also settling in with Doctor appointments, trips to 'nearby' arts communities, and readying for the Thanksgiving holiday. I hope to see some of my family, and go "back home" - I never thought I would say "go back home". Now I'm using the same transplant jargon that I've heard others use my entire life - living in the fertile ground where most transplants go to.

I did it myself

I finally cancelled the tech order, and connected 4 of my 9 printers, so that my students could use them. They're not networked, they're only available at a few computers, I have to be super-watchful of supplies so we don't run through our annual budget in a week, but they're up and running.

I know I irritated tech suport. I don't really mind, though - since they didn't do the job anyway. It was a compromise I had to make in order to continue with my lessons and teaching. Now, if we only had the photo paper and inks I ordered three weeks ago. We need them in 4 days.

I'm discovering the chasm between what was said of this school/district/area and the reality of them all. However, the inefficiency, the waste, the money problems, the disconnect between teaching/learning and the businees of school - these are present at all schools, I think. I am observing the impact everything has on a school so very small - and so much is put on to teachers' shoulders because there aren't other people to lean on for the little things.

My Freshmen are surprising me, positively. :-) They're coming in to their own and becoming involved with the school and their student council duties.

Homecoming was a little strange. The returning alumni from 1987 behaved just like most of the students I see - cliquish, not accepting of anything new or different, and just happy enough to plod along and exist. Normal, and boring.

I have begun a multi-cultural lesson to try and shake their little snow-globes up a bit. I'm receiving a lot of interest so far. We'll see how the bosses like the lesson plans. Maybe I'll be celebrating my career for Dia de los Muertos.

it's time to draw

There's only so much one person can do, and there are only so many people in a small town. Subtract the number of people who have a computer, subtract further those who know how to network a computer, and then divide that by the number of people who understand the Mac, and its creative capabilities - in a school with less than 550 students. Then cut the budget by half, because the enrollment is down at the lower grades, so six teachers will be jobless next year.

Tech support needs support. That's a dangerous situation to be in... for the techies, for the teachers, and the students are just not understanding how much they're getting shafted. They're too busy lurking on Myspace - but not in my classroom!

Sometimes, when I see the paycheck and realize that both of us teaching here nets only 600 a month more than just hubby teaching in California... and that 600 and more goes to pay for daycare... ; when the expectations on teachers go beyond what is expected in any other larger school; ... when it takes six weeks to get an hour-long tech job near completion - but not complete; when both cars die in the heat; ...I wonder if it's worth the move. Nevermind the vapid absence of creativity.

I have not yet made up my mind. I just don't have enough information to decide yet.

This is a strange place, indeed.

personal time

Hubby and I are taking a personal day, and boy do we need it. Time needs to be taken just to be a person. Personal Days. :-)

I have no idea where the day will take us. I'm afraid it will end too soon - but I am elated we're taking a day away from everything that is demanded of us. This is wonderful.

Amidst all the demands, the muse has decided to visit. She is just beyond my reach - like a word on the tip of the tongue. I find myself reaching out for the charcoal and pastels, but held back by the reality of time and demands. This is a fortunate problem. I like to marinade in ideas, and flesh some things out in my head when there are too many ideas flooding forth. I know that once I'm ready, I'll draw, paint, and build as if I were consumed by the drive to do so.

It's a great feeling. I'm beginning to see the spark in others, in my students, and I'm seeing with that sense of wonder and imagination.

Now for a bubble bath, painted toenails, a sketch or two, and time to be a person.